This song is by one of my favorite Neo-Soul Artists, Erykah Badu. Featured on her first album Baduizm, the video to this song was inspired by the movie "The Color Purple".
Your Storybook has started out interesting! I like that in the introduction, you introduced the characters.
However there are a things I would change. I didn't like how you said the characters are just like "you and me", because as I read about the characters, I was thinking how I am nothing like those characters.
I also would have liked pictures for each character, so that I could picture them in my head better!
But, other than that it's a good and interesting start, and I look forward to seeing how your Storybook goes.
Hey Dijoun! I am so impressed by the attention to detail in your Introduction! Your characters are already so fleshed out; I'm really blown away by how much thought you've clearly put into each of their lives and stories. I can't wait to see what happens to them next! I disagree that you need pictures of them -- I liked being able to invent my own appearance for each character based on my interpretation of your description. The pictures you've chosen to accompany each page are absolutely lovely. You did a great job of picking representations of India's architecture; I feel like the setting is better established because of them.
I only have a few suggestions! First, there are a few sentences where a comma might be helpful in clarity. For example, in the first sentence before "where" and the second sentence before "but," I think a comma would give a better flow. There are some really helpful comma-centered editing challenges you might find useful if you're looking for more info! My other nitpick is that in the first paragraph, you say you will feature three people, but then the rest of the intro only describes two main characters. Maybe you planned to introduce the third later? I was confused by this.
Great work so far, looking forward to seeing the rest!
Dijon, I thought your introduction was absolutely wonderful! You paid great attention to detail in crafting these characters and their backstories. As I was reading about the characters, I felt like I was bonding with them. Knowing the reasons why they are 'wanderers' will make your stories about them that much more vivid! The picture as gorgeous too. Wow do I want to go visit India just to see some of the beautiful buildings that they craft. These characters are all vastly different too. From a son who had a rough upbringing due to misfortune, a girl who is questioning her career path in life and the Taj Mahal builder there is a lot room to be creative with the stories of their journeys to find what they are looking for. I must say I am most looking forward to hearing what Samsara ends up doing in India after she left her career in the medical field to see what else is out there.
Your first story, "The Tour Guide" was a great start to your portfolio. Sayidd's mannerism were different than I expected at first, but after reading further into the story, I realized they fit his personality well. I love that you modeled the story as a dialogue with commentary here and there. It makes me feel even more a part of the story instead of an outsider reading about it. I am curious to find out who the young women is that his co-worker Martha said doesn't fit with he rest of the tour group. Could it perhaps be the other main character Samsara? I could understand that if someone saw her in a tour group in India they would think she doesn't fit in well. I am excited to see where this interaction goes and if it may possible lead to a friendship, or maybe more? You definitely have my attention! I may come back and read just for fun!
Your title page is appealing to the eye. I loved the temple that you chose for you visual. After reading the title, I automatically looked to temple walls and imagined what could be lying behind it. Personally, I think you should increase the font size of your title on the title page!
Your introduction was really good. I really loved how you talked about how there are so many unique people who are from India. You did a great job of explaining the three people that you will talk about in your stories. I felt like I knew the characters after reading your descriptions of them.
Your first story, The Tour Guide, was really fun to read. I like how you took the time to research about the tomb and give valid information about it. I like how you set up the story by breaking it down by character. The font was good and easy to read. The spacing broke the story down perfectly. Great job!
After reading your introduction, I acknowledge that you have done a good job of establishing your main characters. The vivid detail with which you have described the people in your storybook as well as their ambitions has already begun to create a connection with these characters. You have presented them as real people and this setting seems to be heavily influenced by personal experiences. By presenting the people in the storybook so realistically you are already building an anticipation to learn more about the story from the perspective of the reader. While reading your first entry, “The Tour Guide” I noticed immediately how the story flowed. Using a conversational style in your writing obviously suits your style and allows you to effectively hold the attention of the reader without overwhelming them with too much details. This first entry into the lives of Sayidd and Martha is already producing a sense of curiosity over what happens next in the storybook.
Dijon, your blog looks amazing. The faded map in the backgrounds gives it a kind of old fashioned feel, and the strong, clean font you use makes your text look like it was written on an old typewriter. The whole thing has this really cool old-school feel.
I haven’t heard an Erykah Badu song in a long time. I forgot how her songs/videos always have a special message. The Color Purple, in itself, is a powerful and heartbreaking story. That only showcases the treatment of women, but African American women in that time period. To me it is the epitome of feminism, because she finds power within herself to change her, to be strong and stand up for herself. This says a lot about the song and the artist.
I have not heard this song before! I liked it! It is not something I normally listen to but I thought I would give it a try and I am glad that I did. It is really a chill song, probably something I would listen to while studying. I also really like the costuming in the music video. Thank you for sharing!
Awesome song choice! I don’t get away from Country music very often but I really like this. Definitely a a good soul background song! I have never hear of Erykah Badu before. Very awesome sound and music video. I also super agree with your quote, “Trust the vibes you get, energy doesn’t lie.” This is SO true! My gut feelings have save me from some sticky situations!
Your Storybook has started out interesting! I like that in the introduction, you introduced the characters.
ReplyDeleteHowever there are a things I would change. I didn't like how you said the characters are just like "you and me", because as I read about the characters, I was thinking how I am nothing like those characters.
I also would have liked pictures for each character, so that I could picture them in my head better!
But, other than that it's a good and interesting start, and I look forward to seeing how your Storybook goes.
Hey Dijoun!
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed by the attention to detail in your Introduction!
Your characters are already so fleshed out; I'm really blown away by how much thought you've clearly put into each of their lives and stories. I can't wait to see what happens to them next! I disagree that you need pictures of them -- I liked being able to invent my own appearance for each character based on my interpretation of your description.
The pictures you've chosen to accompany each page are absolutely lovely. You did a great job of picking representations of India's architecture; I feel like the setting is better established because of them.
I only have a few suggestions! First, there are a few sentences where a comma might be helpful in clarity. For example, in the first sentence before "where" and the second sentence before "but," I think a comma would give a better flow. There are some really helpful comma-centered editing challenges you might find useful if you're looking for more info!
My other nitpick is that in the first paragraph, you say you will feature three people, but then the rest of the intro only describes two main characters. Maybe you planned to introduce the third later? I was confused by this.
Great work so far, looking forward to seeing the rest!
Dijon,
ReplyDeleteI thought your introduction was absolutely wonderful! You paid great attention to detail in crafting these characters and their backstories. As I was reading about the characters, I felt like I was bonding with them. Knowing the reasons why they are 'wanderers' will make your stories about them that much more vivid! The picture as gorgeous too. Wow do I want to go visit India just to see some of the beautiful buildings that they craft. These characters are all vastly different too. From a son who had a rough upbringing due to misfortune, a girl who is questioning her career path in life and the Taj Mahal builder there is a lot room to be creative with the stories of their journeys to find what they are looking for. I must say I am most looking forward to hearing what Samsara ends up doing in India after she left her career in the medical field to see what else is out there.
Your first story, "The Tour Guide" was a great start to your portfolio. Sayidd's mannerism were different than I expected at first, but after reading further into the story, I realized they fit his personality well. I love that you modeled the story as a dialogue with commentary here and there. It makes me feel even more a part of the story instead of an outsider reading about it. I am curious to find out who the young women is that his co-worker Martha said doesn't fit with he rest of the tour group. Could it perhaps be the other main character Samsara? I could understand that if someone saw her in a tour group in India they would think she doesn't fit in well. I am excited to see where this interaction goes and if it may possible lead to a friendship, or maybe more? You definitely have my attention! I may come back and read just for fun!
ReplyDeleteDijon,
ReplyDeleteYour title page is appealing to the eye. I loved the temple that you chose for you visual. After reading the title, I automatically looked to temple walls and imagined what could be lying behind it. Personally, I think you should increase the font size of your title on the title page!
Your introduction was really good. I really loved how you talked about how there are so many unique people who are from India. You did a great job of explaining the three people that you will talk about in your stories. I felt like I knew the characters after reading your descriptions of them.
Your first story, The Tour Guide, was really fun to read. I like how you took the time to research about the tomb and give valid information about it. I like how you set up the story by breaking it down by character. The font was good and easy to read. The spacing broke the story down perfectly. Great job!
After reading your introduction, I acknowledge that you have done a good job of establishing your main characters. The vivid detail with which you have described the people in your storybook as well as their ambitions has already begun to create a connection with these characters. You have presented them as real people and this setting seems to be heavily influenced by personal experiences. By presenting the people in the storybook so realistically you are already building an anticipation to learn more about the story from the perspective of the reader.
ReplyDeleteWhile reading your first entry, “The Tour Guide” I noticed immediately how the story flowed. Using a conversational style in your writing obviously suits your style and allows you to effectively hold the attention of the reader without overwhelming them with too much details. This first entry into the lives of Sayidd and Martha is already producing a sense of curiosity over what happens next in the storybook.
Dijon, your blog looks amazing. The faded map in the backgrounds gives it a kind of old fashioned feel, and the strong, clean font you use makes your text look like it was written on an old typewriter. The whole thing has this really cool old-school feel.
ReplyDeleteI haven’t heard an Erykah Badu song in a long time. I forgot how her songs/videos always have a special message. The Color Purple, in itself, is a powerful and heartbreaking story. That only showcases the treatment of women, but African American women in that time period. To me it is the epitome of feminism, because she finds power within herself to change her, to be strong and stand up for herself. This says a lot about the song and the artist.
ReplyDeleteDijon,
ReplyDeleteI have not heard this song before! I liked it! It is not something I normally listen to but I thought I would give it a try and I am glad that I did. It is really a chill song, probably something I would listen to while studying. I also really like the costuming in the music video. Thank you for sharing!
Awesome song choice! I don’t get away from Country music very often but I really like this. Definitely a a good soul background song! I have never hear of Erykah Badu before. Very awesome sound and music video. I also super agree with your quote, “Trust the vibes you get, energy doesn’t lie.” This is SO true! My gut feelings have save me from some sticky situations!
ReplyDelete